Does Watching Pornography Lead to Breakups

He may have been the world’s most wanted terrorist at the time he was killed, but it turns out Osama bin Laden was also a typical man.
 
Evidently, bin Laden had an “extensive” stash of porn at his luxury compound in Pakistan, according to officials.  So did Lady bin Laden approve of the stash of smut films, or did she even know?
 
Most people are secretive about their porn habits. Perhaps they may have watched with him although that’s doubtful; although more women are watching online porn than ever — some 13 million American women were checking it out at least once each month in the first three months of 2007 — they have yet to come close to guys. Women tend to favor cybersex chat rooms — we like to talk — while men go for the visuals.

Face it — if there’s a man in your life, he’s most likely watching porn and if you’re a woman, you’re most likely not too happy about it.

A lot of women get tweaked by porn in part because they think their partner is comparing them to Jenna Jameson and other porn stars; we can be competitive — or insecure — when it comes to other attractive women, and there’s just no way most of us are going to have perfect breasts and butts, and the sexual responses a porn star does. Nor are we necessarily going to be open to all the positions and, uh, broad-mindedness of porn stars (although I’m guessing few of us would turn away, say, a Brad Pitt-George Clooney threesome; I sure wouldn’t).

Still, polls show that we’re pretty evenly divided on whether porn is just part of the package when it comes to men and if it’s demeaning to women. We’re also equally divided on whether porn is bad for relationships, although if you’ve been involved with someone who’s lost interest in having sex with you because he’d prefer to jack off to some online porn, you’re pretty clear on the damage it does.

Still, that’s a small percentage of porn watchers. The majority of people view their porn watching as some good, not-quite-so-clean fun, according to researcher Alvin Cooper, who heads the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Center and conducts seminars on cybersex addiction. Only 15 percent of the respondents to Cooper’s study said their porn watching actually led to behaviors that interfered with their lives.

But what if you happen to be married to someone in that 15 percent? Is that a good reason to dump him? What about the “recreational” porn watchers?

If you read many of the online advice boards, it seems that a lot of women are fed up with their partner’s porn watching and wonder if they should get a divorce. According to research by Patrick F. Fagan, senior fellow and director of the conservative Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, pornography is a “quiet family killer.”

No only does watching porn contribute to infidelity, but a spouse’s porn obsession was a factor in 56 percent of divorces, Fagan says.

Divorce attorneys tend to agree with Fagan’s findings. At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers noted that the Internet was playing an increasing role in marital splits, with excessive online porn watching contributing to more than half of the divorces. According to Richard Barry, president of the association, “Pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.”

Others aren’t so sure, but know something’s amiss. “The attention paid to the connection between porn and infidelity doesn’t translate into anything like a consensus on what that connection is,” writes Ross Douthat, a senior editor at the Atlantic, in “Is Pornography Adultery?” “But if you approach infidelity as a continuum of betrayal rather than an either/or proposition, then the Internet era has ratcheted the experience of pornography much closer to adultery than I suspect most porn users would like to admit.”

But is the problem porn itself or a guy’s obsession with it? Or is there something else going on?

No man in a healthy sexual relationship would choose porn over bonking his flesh-and-blood partner, says San Francisco Bay Area sex therapist and America’s War On Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, & Liberty author Marty Klein. Emphasis on “healthy.” So, if a guy’s watching too much porn — whatever “too” much is and who gets to decide that — a couple now has an out; they can say he has a “porn addiction.” “If a wife claims that porn use is infidelity, if a girlfriend claims that porn use means he isn’t attracted to her, a disease is a good place to hide,” Klein says.

So what typically happens is she puts her foot down — “Porn or me!” — and he promises that he’ll stop watching. And some guys actually do stop, Klein says. “The rest will do what they did when they were 14 — they’ll do it in secret, feel bad about it and hope they won’t get caught. And so a life of lying about sex continues. You can imagine what that will do to the couple’s closeness.”

I imagine that’s how many couples find themselves divorcing over “porn addiction.” What about you?

Written By: Vicki Larson

According to the statistics I released in my article on SEXYOUALL, Tuesday, January 25, 2011, Is Pornography Addiction for Real?

  • Every second 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
  • Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography.
  • Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the U.S.
  • 4.2 million websites contain pornographic material.
  • There are 68 million daily pornographic search engine requests (which is 25% of all search engine requests).
  • Approximate percentage of Internet users who view pornography: 42.7% 

If I were to go by what Vicki Larson wrote in her article, Does Porn Watching Lead to Divorce? on the Huffington Post, we’d be having a lot of divorce in the US. Even more than statistics show. A lot more.

In reality, porn probably saves more marriages than it destroyed. I’m talking about all those distraught, unsatisfied, unfulfilled husbands who find release through porn at home, in secret, rather than having an affair or visiting hookers.

So the next time you tell your husband no to porn ladies, I suggest you either put out yourselves, or be prepared for your husband to be coming home late from the office more and more often.

Ladies, if you aren’t willing to take care of your husband’s natural male sex drive yourselves, I suggest you let him take care of them himself at home. Even if he may need some stimulation aids, it may be better than the alternatives.

For more sexual news, advice, tips and tricks I recommend you follow my SEXYOUALL blog at www.sexyouall.net. For dating and relationship advice, you may want to follow my Date Karma blog, at www.datekarma.net.

Written By: Tom Retterbush

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