Tag, You’re It!: Every time some bitch posts a picture of me with my eyes closed, a chubby double chin, sweat stains, and a face full of runny mascara, I want to die and/or kill them. But luckily, it’s easy to do some easy damage control. Simply click on the offensive pic, then remove the tag.
Don’t Drink and Type: After a fun-filled party night, you’re all amped! Then you come home and surf the Internet because you’re not ready to go to bed. It’s only natural. But, beware! Perusing Facebook is one thing, trying to drunkenly express yourself in a comment or befriending someone you wouldn’t if you were sober, is another. So look, but don’t touch your page or your friends’ pages when you’re loaded. You don’t want to wake up with a hangover and a rude awakening from something stupid you wrote.
Do Not Delete Exes: Sure, you want to get rid of them from your life physically, but unfriending them after you’ve established Internet friendship makes you look pathetic and bitter. Besides, f they’re obsessed enough with you to check your page, let them stalk away. After all, it’s as close to you as they’ll ever get again. And if you manage your page right, you’ll always be there looking good—the best revenge you could possibly have. But there IS an exception to every rule, so of course, if your ex is like OJ Simpson, you should for sure delete them.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes: Everyone modifies their interests, hobbies, and headlines. And sure, updating your status is a great way to draw attention to your page, but you don’t want negative attention. Never click update more than once in a day. Nothing makes you look more like a paranoid, obsessed loser than changing your info multiple times in the stretch of mere hours—nothing is private on Facebook, including the frequency of your activity. So commit to your changes and let them go, at least a little while, before you change them again.
Manage Your Image: Don’t empty your camera memory card onto your page. Your photo album shouldn’t have 200 slutty snapshots from last Halloween. Edit the way you want to be seen—especially now that many employers dig into their potential hires’ personal info by looking them up online. So, keep your sexy self-portraits a secret. A couple shots with cleave are okay, but, overall, try not to show off your inner skank.
Keep It Classy: You have the right to choose what is printed about you on the Internet. If someone posts a comment about something wild you did back in college, you can and should erase it! Save that stuff in your memory bank for reunions because it’s an inside joke—otherwise the joke will be on you when it hits the public domain. And, in turn, when you write on someone’s page about something crazy they did, it’s guilt by association, so don’t incriminate yourself!
Post Personality: Your page should look and sound like you. Post a couple pics with cool cultural references, fill in your faves, and don’t be afraid to be funny. It’s cool to see what music, TV shows, and YouTube videos you have in common with your friends. But, reading your interests shouldn’t take as long as War and Peace. Trim down your likes to the essentials. With everyone from potential bosses to potential boyfriends scouring the web for dirt, why not broadcast the best version of yourself—they have plenty of time down the road to see your dark side.
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